Red Rock Deli Special Reserve Champagne Vinaigrette & Shallot (Aus)

Once upon a time Red Rock Deli were the little guys. The sickeningly over flavoured evil cousin of the cauldron cooked giant, Kettle. While Red Rock Deli brought out all kinds of crazy fusions, like a mad scientist attempting to clone his dead wife, Kettle stood steadfast and strong with their 'Honey Baked Ham', 'Original Salted' and 'Salt & Vinegar'. But the times, like the outfits at a Culture Club gig, are changing.

These days Kettle are shaking in their boots. They've gone and renamed 'Original' to 'Sea Salt'. La dee dah! They've gone all posh and introduced an overly descriptive flavour of their own, in 'Parmesan & Sweet Roasted Garlic'. Ain't nobody got time for that! In the past I have been critical of the overly descriptive, posh sounding crisp varieties and this, Ladies and Gentleman, has got to be the poshest - 'Red Rock Deli Special Reserve Champagne Vinaigrette & Shallot'.

Like any self respecting cauldron cooked crisp, 'Special Reserve Champagne Vinaigrette & Shallot' have a fantastic crunch. Lots of folded and bubble crisps. Some crisps are actually thicker than others which is a wonderful treat as one masticates their way through the packet.

But we're not here to have sexual relations with spiders, are we?. You want the real verdict and that involves how some fancy vinegar and grass translates to the crisp world. And I have to say, as surprised as I was, they are actually not bad. They taste a bit like salad dressing and somehow that is not awful. I feel as though I have just popped the cork of a late harvest Semillon. ⋆⋆⋆

OLW - Waffle Cut Chedder & Chipotle (SWE)

My partner purchased this particular packet on a recent trip back to the home land, along with a plethora of other crisp varieties.

A bulk of my new selection was devoured in days but I hung on to this packet because I thought they may provide an outstanding review. I could feel it in my waters.

So here we are. And for anyone interested in the creative process I have initiated in order to complete another installment of the Crisp Connoisseur, I have opened the packet and emptied it's crispy goodness into a glass bowl, sat beside a chilled mineral water.

Unfortunately, this is where the disappointment began. Waffle Cut crisps are meant to be like crinkle cut crisps sliced through the middle and reassembled at a 90 degree angle. But what I have is a million tiny little pieces of crisp rubble. Perhaps I should not have expected more from a packet of crisps that flew over continents, but it still may be worth a stern email to Qatar Airways.

From the few remaining 'intact' crisps the experience was inconsistent. Some crisps are crunchy and crispy and some just break into fine powder like quality gram of... ground turmeric. Yeah, turmeric.

As for the flavour, again my expectation were too high. Chipotle should have as much punch as a 18th Birthday in Cancun, but I was at a 50th Birthday in a Nunnery. Of the flavour available, I found it to be a little sickening. This was a packet that I could not polish off. ⋆⋆