Blair's Death Rain - Jolokia Pepper (US)

On a recent trip to central Sydney, I happened upon a convenient store in Haymarket which stocked the mother of all spicy crisps, Blair's Death Rain - Jolokia Pepper. You can imagine my excitement when I noticed the fiery beast in the humblest of convenient stores. I saved the packet until I returned home, in order to take in the full experience of possibly the hottest crisps on the market today. I ate the first few crisps slowly, focusing on the crisps itself and the flavour. While the crunch and overall structure of the Blair's Death Rain crisp is exceptional, I must say, there is little flavour in the Jolokai Pepper variety. I realise this sounds like the rhetoric of a chilli novice but, in this instance, I must concur with the popular phrase of ‘heat evaders’. If you remember well, this is the second packet of Blair’s Death Rain crisps I have reviewed. The first packet was the Habanero variety. The little sibling of the Jolokia flavour. I found Habanero to be spicy enough to make the eyes water but still maintain a very pleasant taste. The Jolokia flavour is not so. Jolokia is no mucking around, kick you in the balls, hot! This is the hottest crisp I have ever tried. Like the Habanero flavour, the store attendant that sold me Blair's Death Rain - Jolokia Pepper, warned me of the immense heat contained inside this packet. Never the less, after the first few testers, I decided to challenge myself and I smashed the entire packet in about 5 minutes. As I devoured the contents of the packet, my lips began to sting, my throat began to burn and by the end of the packet, my tongue felt like the searing sand of a thousand deserts! I had a sweat on and my eyes were watering. I was gargling water and the burn still lingered for about 15 minutes after. While the flavour is not great, that is not the point. These crisps are meant to be hot and hot they are! I enjoyed the challenge but Blair's Death Rain - Jolokia Pepper would not be my first choice on every occasion. ⋆⋆⋆⋆

Kettle Chunky – Mediterranean Herbs & Spices (Aus)

As some of you are aware, I am back in Australia. While I was away, a friend of mine sent me a picture of some new crisps that came out in Australia which were a thicker cut to the usual cauldron cooked crisp. Obviously I was very excited about this and booked a flight home at once. I had a stopover in Thailand on the way but couldn’t enjoy it, as I was unable to focus my attention away from my pending purchase. Once back in Australia I did as all good returning Australians do. I bought a Chocolate milk. How I had missed that smooth chocolaty texture. The next trip was with my mother, to the supermarket, from which the highly anticipated purchase was made. Casually tossing the packet in to the shopping trolley, my mother spotted the selection I had made. She looked at me with a concerned glare. I asked my mother what was the trouble and she replied “don’t get those ones, Matt, they will break your teeth”. As I was fully aware that these crisps were thicker than the average crisp, I replied rather nonchalantly “I think I will be ok”. However, the warnings did not stop. My mother went on to explain that upon these very crisps, she chipped her tooth and when my young nephew attempted to bite through the extra chunky crisp, he required a filling. Heroically and undeterred by all the warnings, I continued on my quest to review the thickest cut crisp on the market. Tentatively, I bit down on the first crisp. Let me tell you readers, these crisps are crunchy, probably the crunchiest this connoisseur has ever come across. They are also very crispy, which I imagine would be the difficulty in creating a thicker than average crisp. The Mediterranean Herbs & Spices flavour is lightly sweet and slightly peppery with hints of oregano and rosemary. The flavour is good but not mind blowing. Despite the cautions from concerned loved ones I thought the chunky crisps were a success. There was a lot of bubble crisps and folded crisps in this packet, which makes for an exciting time! ⋆⋆⋆⋆

Lay's Thai Chili Paste (Thailand)

You may have already heard the rumours that the crisp connoisseur is heading back to Australia. I imagine those of you in Australia will be overc
ome with excitement. While all of my loyal fans in the UK will be inconsolable. Both of these reactions are understandable but neither parties should get too comfortable, as I am like a rabbit and the world is my warren. You never know where I am going to pop up. No, no… I am like a Mosquito. It’s 3am in the morning and you’re standing on your bed, you think you have me beat, you think that I am gone. You turn the light off and return to your slumber, and when you are just about to nod off, I come humming past your ear, sending you in to a rage of arms and legs. Alas, I digress. On to the reason you have clicked on to my blog. On my way home, I have stopped in via Thailand and there is an overabundance of new, weird and not so wonderful crisp flavours. I have tried a couple and quite frankly, I think we, in the UK and Australia, are doing just fine. After a few samples, I decided to go with Lay's Thai Chili Paste for my review. As we know Lay’s are a thin cut crisps and Lay's Thai Chili Paste are no exception to the crisps giants Traditional texture, thickness and crunch. I didn’t actually know what I was buying when I bought them. All I knew was that it involved chilli, garlic and onion. Upon first bite, one is hammered with garlic like Michael Clarke, hammering Graeme Swann through the covers of four. Once you half way through the packet you begin to realise that no one just eats chilli paste like they would a natural yogurt. Chilli Paste is an ingredient in a much more complex meal. Chili paste is strong, too strong. It's a concentrate like a squash or opium. For this reason, I can’t say I have been moved by Thailand’s diverse flavours. I think I am happy to stick with my Salt & Vinegars and Jalapeño Peppers. ⋆⋆

Terra - Zesty Tomato Exotic Vegetable Chips (USA)

There are a few brands out there these days that are doing the vegetable crisp option and I have been wanting to review a packet for some time. However, most of them are simply not good. In particular the Beetroot crisps, which are, for lack of a better expression, shit. Terra Zesty Tomato, on the other hand, are the bee's knees! One of the most superior crunch crisps you will ever have the pleasure of biting down on. Even better than biting down on your bottom lip in the throws of sexual ecstasy! The zesty tomato flavour is just the perfect amount to allow the flavour of each veggie to have it’s own individuality but also adds a subtle tapestry to create an overall  flavour sensation. Each different root vegetable tastes slightly different. In each packet you will find taro, ruby sweet potato, parsnip and some things that I don’t think anyone knows what they are. The only thing we know is that they are delicious and like with all vegetable crisps, it actually feels like your eating something healthy even though your not! Amazing! And if you're not convinced by my review, check out this knob head http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xmNBt-KvQE ⋆⋆⋆⋆½

Walkers - Pickled Onion (UK)

Ever since my review of Monster Munch - Pickled onion, I have had a backlash from the Monster Munch aficionados. Don't expect me to just roll over and admit that I was wrong to discredit the family favourite. I stand by my comments and maintain the view that the flavour is great but the crisps themselves are a joke... there, I said it! I guess I have never been a fan of a maize snack, particularly when there is a serious potato or corn option available. It is for this reason, when I spotted Walkers - Pickled Onion at a Finsbury Park off-licence, I knew I had to review them to further demonstrate my point. I must say, I do prefer the thicker cut cauldron cooked variety of potato crisps and this packet is just your regular thin cut crisp. In saying that, there are a lot of thinly cut crisp manufacturers around but I believe Walkers do it best. They have managed to create a finely cut crisp that does not compromise on crunch. Like a teenage gymnast turned high school PE teacher, Walkers Pickled Onion are sour with a vinegary tang and they don’t spare on the salt. Yet they are light and one could eat them until your mouth is full of ulcers, your teeth fall out and your heartburn becomes and all out heart attack! A quality crisp and I would like to see them a lot more regularly. ⋆⋆⋆⋆

Salty Dog - Jalapeño & Coriander (UK)

Now, I know you're thinking, "This guy is always doing jalapeño/chilli crisps" and you would be right. Trouble is, I can't help it. When the options are laid out on the table, I will go for the hot crisps almost every time. This is different; this flavour is Jalapeño & Coriander. Now, again, I know what you thinking, “I don’t like coriander” and believe me, you’re in good company. I mean, I don’t, hate coriander. It’s ok, but it’s no basil. However, in this packet, with the slightest hint of black pepper, the coriander is subtle. As if to say “be gentle.... it’s my first time”. The jalapeño flavour is poignant but without testing your scoville scale. Salty Dog bring a satisfyingly crunchy crisps to the table and live up to their name, creating a saltier than your average crisp. The thing that I love about them the most is that they are an independent brand doing some great things and this dog could definitely hold it'

s own against the crisps world heavyweights! ⋆⋆⋆⋆

Kettle Chips Wave Cut - Salt & Vinegar (UK)

Now, whether you're in the UK or Australia, I believe we are all aware of what Kettle chips are. Kettle are the 'Don's' of the cauldron cooked crisp. All of these other brands doing the cauldron cooked crisp; Walkers Sensations, Tyrrells, are really only aiming for the bench mark left by these heavyweights of the crisp world. As usual, I am excited about these crisps. I am excited for two reasons;
1) Even on the packet, it's says chips. Not crisps. Since moving to the UK, I have been practically band from the use of the word chips in reference to potato crisps. It appears to be a topic that the British feel very strongly about and I can assure you, they are very quick to correct anyone caught misusing their mother tongue.
2) These chips are Salt & Vinegar! Not Sea Salt & Balsamic Vinegar. Not Cider Vinegar & Rock Salt. Not Rice Wine Vinegar & Pink Himalayan Crystal Salt! As I have stated in the past, original is always the best. These chips are also 'Wave Cut', which we can safely assume is another name for crinkle cut chips and I am more than impressed with Kettle's foray into the crinkle cut variety. I believe the crinkle adds to the crunch, of which Kettle may be the finest exemplars.The flavour is spot on. Salty but not too salty. Vinegary but not too vinegary. In summary; A real Triumph. ⋆⋆⋆⋆½